omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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