i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
