I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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