TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
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I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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