Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
