____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
