You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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