Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
