Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
