I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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