You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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