I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I touched a dick in church today
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
