there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
