just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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