i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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