Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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