exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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