currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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