Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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