i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
