I'm eating all of the evidence.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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