She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
