With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
