Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
