I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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