my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The feeling are messing with the penis
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
