just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
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6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
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YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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