I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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