I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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