got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
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I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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