my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
