Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
