I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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