You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
