so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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