Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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