dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
