I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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