so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this boner is exhausting
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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