I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
