dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
