Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
try to milk me bitch
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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