Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
