Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She announced her abortion via fbk
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
