I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
