The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i out mim tonsoeep
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