Me too!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
