You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
