i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
