she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
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dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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