Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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