my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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