Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
