Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
