im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you would pick up someone in the library
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
