Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
