So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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