i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I look better un-naked...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Randomize
