She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
